72 Days Ago…

written on August 7th 2009

I had the prescription. I went to Costco (Mission Valley). They had the Testosterone but not the needles!?. I waited for my script to be filled. The pharmacy technician said I should vary my injections sites because I would be doing my shots once a week not every other week.

I needed a hair cut. I needed to coordinate a time to meet up with Travis who was going to give me my first shot and show me how to do it myself. I called Christian (the guy who cuts my hair) and I ask him, when are we going to meet for my shot? This is a bit of comedy. After some repeating myself and what’s and huh’s and “Hey J, this is Christian.”, I finally figure out that I had called the wrong person. I ask Christian could I come in to get my haircut in about an hour. I bribe him with a box of Zen Tea. So I get my haircut. Right afterwards I run into a friend and his friend. The friend can’t resist running his hand over my freshly shaved head. This is a PERK of having a freshly shaved head! I explain to him that I can’t talk now. I’m on my way to Costco (Gateway Dr) to pick up my needles. I’m getting my first shot TODAY!

I call 511 to get info on the fasted way to get there. I travel travel travel on MTS. My prescription for my needles is filled quickly and I am on my way home, texting Travis that I’ll be home in 20 minutes or so. At this point I’m a bit tired. Not excited really. Travis comes over and gives me a hug and then talks with me for about 40 minutes. Asks questions about my journey up until this point. Shares with me some of his own story. He makes it special. I won’t forget his consideration and kindness. Travis is someone I met last summer and I picked him way back then to show me how to do my shots. So we get down to it. He is careful in explaining what he’s doing. I feel safe. I get my shot in my right butt cheek. It doesn’t hurt at all. I pull my pants up and I feel…calm.

I smile. I breathe in. I breathe out. I can’t believe this moment is finally here. This is a new part of transition. Admitting that I was trans. Not killing myself. Telling people over a period of about 5 years. Deciding last August that I would start T in a year..the absolute feminine energy that engulfed me from that point ’til about mid-April of this year. The support groups..the depression because I didn’t think I’d be able to afford to get started..all a part of transition but now

the physical part begins. I have T-coursing through my body. It is late afternoon. 4ish. Close to 5pm. It is Wednesday. The date is June 3rd, 2009.

The day before..
Tuesday, June 2nd.
I have my follow up appointment at Tuesday Night Clinic, which is a clinic for low income LGBT folk. It’s only on tuesday nights (duh!) and they help with mostly hiv testing, std screenings and treatment, hormones for transfolk, pap smears, other stuff. It’s $20 dollars for every two visits. Everyone is super nice except the receptionist (ha ha!) Appointments fill up fast, so you have to take what you can get. That’s why I started the process of getting my blood work and other tests in April. So I would be able to hit my target date: Aug 7th.

So my appointment was to go over my lab results and to establish a baseline. Five weeks before, my heart was doing it’s murmur thing, my blood pressure was high and I was possibly anemic. The first two were due to stressful emotional situations I was involved in. I didn’t think I would get my script on this day. But on the off chance that I did I was going to hold on to it and wait ’til my chosen start date. My mom and I had just had a conversation a few days before, that was pretty awful. Towards the end I was just like, let’s not talk about this anymore, we have ’til August. I was keeping the specific date to myself and was only going to tell Travis and then tell everyone else AFTER it was done.

So my doctor and I go over my results and my 5 year plan. He tells me the dosage he’ll start me on. I want to go slow, so it’s cool. I tell him I want to do it weekly not bi-weekly. I feel it would be better for me. He writes the script for the T and the needles and hands them to me. I look at the T-script and I am so incredibly elated. I didn’t know I would feel this way. I think to myself, “I’m going to get this filled right now!” He asks me if I’d like to make an appointment to come back and get my shot with a nurse in a couple of weeks. I’m like a couple of weeks!!?? No way. I head to Costco. The pharmacy is closed! It’s after 7. I head to Hillcrest. Go to Rite Aid. It’ll be $83 and they’d have to order it and it would come in on Thursday. Thursday! I head over to CVS and it’s $68 or so there. They have it. They have it. I could have it tonight. I call a friend and he tells me Costco’s the cheapest. But how much cheaper? I knew that Costco was the way to go, I just wanted it in my hands right then. I call Travis to tell him I got the script and I changed my mind about August and I ask when he’s available. Tomorrow, Friday, or Sunday would be good for me. Luckily he says he can do it the next day…

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