that which a rose by any other name would smell as sweet; (Romeo and Juliet)-William Shakespeare
The name change. The name my mother gave me was Jarret McClain LaNea Gorman. I was named after my father Jarret McClain Gorman who died at age 21, 29 days before I was born. LaNea (La-nay) is the name my mother always wanted to give her little girl. One of my cousins is also named after my biological father and his name is pronounced like my dad’s but mine was pronounced (Jar-it) because that’s what my father told my mom. I hadn’t planned to change my name at all. A few days after I started medical transition, well.. I wrote a long email to one of my Aunts trying to explain why I was transitioning and I signed my full name. My full name had power. A beautiful name given to me in love. When I signed the email I felt a total disconnect to the name. I’ve been carrying the name but it was never my own. I don’t know if that makes any sense.
My friend J 🙂 asked me how I came up with my name: Evan J Zarius Gorman. Some things come to me really fast…some things take years..I went to bed on June 11th and woke up and hour later saying Evan. Then I was thinking, Zoriah..I went back to sleep and when I woke up I thought Zarius. Gorman is my biological father’s name. So the main thing was figuring out the spelling of Zarius and the order of the name.
Evan is a welsh form of John. One meaning is young warrior. I feel I am a warrior for peace. A peacemaker. Another meaning is Jehovah has shown favor. Another meaning is God is gracious. Evan is God’s Grace.
J is mainly because of the connection I share with J. She’s J and I’m j. And we’ve been friends since we were 14 (Woot! Love you J) and there’s also a connection with her dad Jay who was always kind to me and who passed on a few years back. J (ay) is also what my co-workers at most every job I’ve had call me.
Zarius (zuh-rye-us) so far is an original 🙂 I can’t find it anywhere. For me it means wisdom and strength.
Gorman. Gorman has a very special meaning to me. I was the only Gorman I knew for 25 years. My granmere (my mom’s mom) called me Gorman and it was to remind me of who and where I come from. Thanks Aunt T for finding me. Thank you will never be enough. I love you guys so much. (I’m tearing up) Even though we don’t see each other really, a part of me that I didn’t know was missing was healed when I met you all.
I’m into Chaldean numerology which is thousands of years old. I just wanted to share with the Gormans the numerical value of our family name.
Gorman adds up to 22 which is a master number. It cannot be broken down.
22 Submission—and Caution
22 is symbolized by the ancients as “a Good Man, blinded by the folly of others, with a knapsack on his back, full of errors”. In the image he seems to offer no defense against a ferocious tiger which is about to attack him. It’s a warning number of illusion and delusion. It indicates a good person (or entity) who lives in a fool’s paradise; a dreamer of dreams who awakens only when surrounded by danger, when it’s often too late. It warns of mistakes in judgment, of placing faith in those who are not trustworthy. 22 ‘s should exercise caution and watchfulness in both career and personal matters. The karmic obligation is to be more alert, to curb “spiritual laziness,” and develop more spiritual aggressiveness–to realize your own power to change things, to prevent failure by simply ordaining success. When this personal responsibility is recognized, practiced, and finally mastered, the 22 person can be in control of events, no longer blinded by the folly of others and will see ideas achieved and dreams realized. -Linda Goodman’s Star Signs.
I am so happy with my new name and will get it legally changed sometimes in the next 6 months. Hopefully sooner rather than later.