“Every choice has it’s price and it’s pleasure. Knowing this a person becomes realistic and responsible for their actions. (Peaceful Warrior-the film)
I deleted a cousin from my Facebook yesterday. She wrote some anti-gay sentiment in her update status. The best thing about having been in contact with some members of my biological father’s side of the family is that I’ve made some very real and cool connections. The worst part has been dealing with the religious angle. There seems to be an assumption going on that one can’t be LGBTQ (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer) AND LOVE GOD. It is NOT one or the other. Using the bible and/or religion as a weapon, a separating tool, against me and those like me is just not cool. We are as we are and we are all of us love(d) beyond our ability to comprehend. And some of us know who we are and why we’re here.
Another side to this is that I rarely mention the G word when I’m with my friends who are lgbtq. It is a very touchy subject. People who have used and/or use religion as a means of control/tyranny, as a tool of oppression, as a justification for violence, and/or to try to make folk feel bad/less than about who they are and who and how they love, have done much damage.
When I say God I say Goddess I say Creator I say Love I say Me I say You I say Us I say the Origin of all things I say all of Creation. All that Is. The divine in everything and everyone. I see a tree. I see a building. I see you. I see a bird shitting. I am in awe of the beauty that surrounds me. The beauty that is me. The diversity. The variation. I am well aware that I am different. That my view(s) perceptions, beliefs, dreams, experiences, ideas, ideals, ambitions are not common. That’s why I love the word queer. It covers all of this for me. It has taken me a long time to accept the fact that it’s okay to not be so common. And to express that. Express my Self. Luckily, I’ve had lots of help in getting to this point. And I am thankful to my friends and the people who love me as is. I do not kid myself that I am easily understood or understood at all.
Recently, I’ve been thinking of history. The history of women in this country (US). The history of black folk here too. This baby nation of the world. The abolitionist who fought for my ancestors to be free(d) from slavery. The women who fought for the right to vote. The civil rights movement. The women’s right(s) movement “biology is not destiny”. Gay rights. Trans rights. Human rights. I could not be if not for those who came before me. I am beyond thankful.
Transition is happening on many levels. With the aid of testosterone my form is becoming more masculine in appearance. My inner being feels freer and happier. There is a feeling of integration and wholeness. It’s not all rainbows and butterflies, nor did I expect it to be. This process is not easy. It’s also not the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Change is always a bit scary. The unknown. The shedding of the old to make room for the new. Change is the only constant.