Tranny November

Trans for me is
transcending gender. Moving beyond the binary and separateness of male and female. I am (a) complete(ly) integrated
sovereign being. My soul essence feels more comfortable and happy in a more/mostly masculine physical form.

Transition is awesome. Medically transitioning is different than I thought it would be. I am happy when I think of it. But I’m actually just living life. It’s totally normal for me but I realize it’s totally out there for most people. I thought today if I wasn’t on this path I would be completely miserable and out of my mind. No joke.

November..
On the 3rd my legal name change went through. I had changed my name in June and in late August started the paperwork process. My court
fees ($350) were waived because my income was low. I had to have my old name and new name run in an approved newspaper for four consecutive weeks. That was $40. My hearing was set for 830a and it was easy. There was maybe 11 people besides me getting their name changed and one beautiful lady that I know from the community was there too. Someone asked for our name changing decree paper and then like 15 minutes later came out and handed us our four certified court copies. All done. Easy peasy. My friend and I walked over to the Social Security Office and changed our names there. That was about 30 minutes. So easy and so quick after such a long time of coming to terms with who I am.

The rest of the month was just changing my old name to my new name on bills, work, driver’s license, school stuff, and so on. The name change at work went through on the 6th but I didn’t know ’til I clocked in on Sun, the 8th, and saw it. It was such an awesome feeling. Just so happy every time I had to punch in my numbers to ring up a customer or clock in and clock out. 4 out of 12? of my co-workers know that I am trans(itioning), the others may know, but I haven’t officially told them and they haven’t asked. So some asked me about the name change and I just said that this name (Evan) fits me better. My old name had a lot of grief around it. I was named after my biological father who died 29 days before I was born. It was a good name but there’s so much tied into it with both sides of my family. Naming myself was very empowering. I am super happy every single time I hear it. One or two of my co-workers asked me, can I still call you _?, and I said yes because it’s my first middle name in my new name. Two of my shift supervisors asked me, What would you prefer me to call you? which is a totally different question. To them I said Evan. My manager is so so funny, in general, and when she was first using it, “Evan’s going to ring you up.” I would just start laughing. The same with my dad. I can’t really explain why. Our relationships are tinted with humor and it is just kinda funny. I know I’m not explaining it right. It’s just with those two. My manager actually knew another guy who transitioned and funny enough he named himself Evan. I’m not so original. ha ha. I know it’s tough for some people. When you’ve known someone as a certain name, you make an association. Maybe I don’t look like an Evan *shrugs* but I feel like one and I love the way the name sounds. It’s friendly and has a special to me vibration (Chaldean numerology).

On the 12th, my doctor signed the form for the driver’s license to change my name and my gender marker. I was so psyched. I went down to the DMV on the 16th and got that all taken care of and took my new picture. I got my license in the mail on the 25th. It’s great. I look a bit stoned in the pic. Well one eye does anyway but that’s okay. The next day was ThanksGiving and I pulled it out and flashed it around a bit.
I was Evan’d 80 percent of the time. People would correct themselves. I was she’d 😦 all weekend though.

ThanksGiving was shared with 40 plus people. It was a great day. One of the best I’ve had in years. Just high spirits. I was worried a bit because some of our family have been going through hard times and finances are tight. And plus I had to deal with telling some people I was transitioning that I didn’t call or email before. Dinner was at 1p and the food was great. I wrote thank you cards for 7 of my family members just reminding them of good times and what they mean to me. My cousin and her bf swing dance. They’ve been doing it for 2 years. They danced 3 songs. This started an improptu talent show. 3 people sang. Three of us told jokes. I was one of the three. One of my cousins surprised us all and did a puppet show. He has a kermit the frog puppet that none of us knew about it and his voice was spot on. It was terrific. This was my favorite part because it was so unexpected and out of character. He’s a very private guy. Into computer and video games. So awesome. Then he and another cousin did a brilliant card trick. And then I had everyone that was still there watch the youtube video: Wedding Entrance to Chris Brown’s Forever. It’s a feel good video. Celebration. All around good time.

The next day we drove 3 full cars 45 minutes away to meet up with my cousin’s gf’s family for a soccer game. There were like 23 people or more. I didn’t play soccer. I hung out with the under 5 crowd and had a great time. My nephew is 32 months old and I haven’t been in his physical presence since last Thanksgiving so I wanted to hang out with him. We played little kid soccer, basketball, we climbed the plastic rock and went down the slide a zillion times.

Me: I’m right behind you. You got it.
Him: I got it. (climbing. dramatic breathing. then he gets to the top.) Yay! I made it.
Me: Yay! So which slide are you going down? (there were two)
Him: This one.
For the first 6 or 7 times, I had him wait for me while I went down first so I could be there at the end of the slide. Then we started going together.
Him: Okay. Go. Woo hoo.
1 more..
and on and on.

We played on the swing and laughed and laughed. We ran around. Played with my aunt and uncle who are a young 59 and a young 55. Just super good times. Next year we plan to do the soccer thing again and I’ll play next time.

Saturday, my brother, my mom, and I got into it. The baby, my nephew, had been calling me Evan since I saw him TG morning. 2nd time I told him he had it. My dad used it too. My brother and my mom not at all. So my mom wanted to introduce me to her neighbors and I said, I’m going to introduce myself as Evan, as long as that’s okay with you. She said it was. We go over and she’s like, __(my old girly family name) come over here, and to the neighbor’s, I’d like to introduce you to my son and my daughter. I waved my hand, hello, and walked back to the house. My parents and my brother have known since last summer that I am trans(itioning). I don’t see them often at all but we talk. So they come back to the house and lay in to me. I was rude. Which I was. My brother goes on to say that I’ll always be blah blah blah blah to him and it’s a transition for all of us. This is true. And I say it’s been 14 months and you haven’t said one thing to me about this, how you feel or anything. All I know is that you’re not using my name or my preferred pronoun. So it feels like it’s on purpose. My mom says that she didn’t have two sons. That this makes her feel crazy and she can’t do it. My brother says that mom has done more reading and watching Transgender related stuff than anyone else in the house and I shouldn’t be giving her a hard time. A lot more got said. My mom was upset so she went to her room. My brother turned on a movie and I went out for a walk that lasted about an hour. And yes, I was teary. And then I was quiet. What else was there to say. My dad drove me home, which was a two hour drive, and we talked about all this. I was so happy to be home. I am so happy to be home. I had the next couple of days off to decompress so that was good.

And now here I be.

4 thoughts on “Tranny November

  1. I know it must be hard. I can not even imagine what you are going through. It sounds like your family is trying more then some families but not enough to make it less hurtful when they slip and say certain things. Its hard you expect things from the ones you love as I am sure they expect things from you. I guess it takes time. I wish you all the luck and patience with them.

    much love,

    Dolores

    • “Its hard you expect things from the ones you love as I am sure they expect things from you.”
      This stood out for me. All I ask is that they try. And they are. Thank you for your well wishes.

Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s