One day last week I picked up one of my journals randomly. They’re all piled up on my floor at the foot and head of my bed 🙂 The one I picked up happened to be the one that captures when I started medically transitioning/taking testosterone. A few days before I started and a few days after. Just thought I’d share some. Note: + = and in the journal. This blog, + E stands for positive energy and sometimes positive me (Evan). Anything in italics is something added to clarify and not part of the original entry.
It is much easier to pray + study + learn + live spiritually (alone?) To go out + do it with people is challenging.
If you don’t know what to say, don’t say anything.
2400 years from now 2600 years from now things will be very different. We’ve made a significant amount of technological progress + yes spiritual progress in the last century.
we could not be sold
willing to lay down my life
willing life itself
-We’re fine. I’m just not as enamored with her. Transition is going well. Autobiography of a Yogi is very interesting. Breath is important. Water + breathing. Emailed the guys about awesome packing underwear (found on website). So exciting. Something to maybe look forward to? now I don’t want to/need to/or see myself packing but this is tempting. After chest surgery?
…I’ve been thinking about the primary person. Highly spiritual-well on their path. I’m too far gone now. I would be sad I think to be with someone who wasn’t right there.
…The most Golden moment is now.
Give the world a smile
swinging + dancing around
singing a loud sound
Did my 5 year T (testosterone) plan + my 1 year personal life plan. msg to myself. Listen. I’m wondering about perfect posture. Will I be able to use my body to move freely-express self-performing-acting-communicating ideas.
…I realize a lot of what’s bothering me right now is the duality thing versus (ha ha) the unifying one thing. Can I be a good partner/parent? YES! What about sex? If it’s not for procreation let it be for love-pleasure-prayer devotion bonding divine union. I wonder because I’m not particularly “horny” anymore. I feel it’s base + beneath me in some part of me + ultimately unimportant. at the same time I believe it is very natural + beneficial to one’s health. Nourishing body mind soul.
the first + the last
I remember when we were
Remember us now