5-28 to 6-19 journal excerpts 1

One day last week I picked up one of my journals randomly. They’re all piled up on my floor at the foot and head of my bed 🙂 The one I picked up happened to be the one that captures when I started medically transitioning/taking testosterone. A few days before I started and a few days after. Just thought I’d share some. Note: + = and in the journal. This blog, + E stands for positive energy and sometimes positive me (Evan). Anything in italics is something added to clarify and not part of the original entry.

May 28
It is much easier to pray + study + learn + live spiritually (alone?) To go out + do it with people is challenging.
If you don’t know what to say, don’t say anything.
2400 years from now 2600 years from now things will be very different. We’ve made a significant amount of technological progress + yes spiritual progress in the last century.

*Haiku*
we could not be sold
willing to lay down my life
willing life itself

May 29
-We’re fine. I’m just not as enamored with her. Transition is going well. Autobiography of a Yogi is very interesting. Breath is important. Water + breathing. Emailed the guys about awesome packing underwear (found on website). So exciting. Something to maybe look forward to? now I don’t want to/need to/or see myself packing but this is tempting. After chest surgery?
…I’ve been thinking about the primary person. Highly spiritual-well on their path. I’m too far gone now. I would be sad I think to be with someone who wasn’t right there.
…The most Golden moment is now.

*Haiku*
Give the world a smile
swinging + dancing around
singing a loud sound

May 30
Did my 5 year T (testosterone) plan + my 1 year personal life plan. msg to myself. Listen. I’m wondering about perfect posture. Will I be able to use my body to move freely-express self-performing-acting-communicating ideas.
…I realize a lot of what’s bothering me right now is the duality thing versus (ha ha) the unifying one thing. Can I be a good partner/parent? YES! What about sex? If it’s not for procreation let it be for love-pleasure-prayer devotion bonding divine union. I wonder because I’m not particularly “horny” anymore. I feel it’s base + beneath me in some part of me + ultimately unimportant. at the same time I believe it is very natural + beneficial to one’s health. Nourishing body mind soul.

*Haiku*
the first + the last
I remember when we were
Remember us now

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