(De)Queering The Rainbow

The last week or two I’ve been wrestling with the term queer as a word to identify myself. I’ve used queer since ’95 because it was a perfect word to describe me, in regards to sexuality, spiritual beliefs, and later relationships, gender identity, thinking-what I think about and how I think about what I think about..and so on. By saying it, I was saying I’m not like you. I wanted people to recognize the difference. That I was different. There was a pride there. Now I feel like it doesn’t fit me anymore. I am not queer to myself. I am perfectly normal to myself. I’m only queer in relationship to what I’ve been told is the mainstream. I don’t feel alienated anymore. In my social life, school, work, friends, I am largely accepted for who I am. Yes I’m eccentric and “off” and odd and “special” to people but I get to just be. So I don’t feel too queer anymore. I express myself more, what I think, how I feel. I always thought one day queer wouldn’t be necessary. And for me it isn’t so much anymore. But I am not ready to give it up in totality. I think it it useful politically-in the larger social sense at this time. Personally though, I’m just me. Evan. And from my view right now, all of us, all shades of the rainbow are equally beautiful and needed to create a world in which we all can live, thrive, develop, and grow.

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