I choose this
I am pained. I don’t understand. I don’t understand. I can’t explain in words how your presence + absence grieve me. I want to talk to you all the time and I don’t ever want to see you again except I do. I’m so mad at you. Damn
words. If there were no words, if I couldn’t hear, if I couldn’t see, how would you communicate with me?
I don’t want to see your tears. I don’t want to see love + pity reflected in me. I don’t want to hear you’re sorry. ‘Damn, what do you want from me? Can’t you see I’m sorry’ I don’t want to hear you
say I love you. I don’t believe you + I do.
Sometimes I wish I’d never met you. Nothing between us. And then I think who would I be if I didn’t love you so…
I hate you for not understanding or even empathizing with how much I love +what a mysterious responsibility it is. And how lonely I am though I am not alone. How lonely I am.
The illusion+the reality are one. I will not live in a world without them.
Damn your logic pissing on your imagination.
*note: I found this in a folder. It was written a long while ago (years) but there’s no date.