On Loss, Happiness, & Self Realization

Thursday night, in my psychology class we did an in class exercise. We were told to rip up a piece of paper in 10 parts and write down 10 things we wanted or hoped to get in our lives. After we wrote the 10 things down we were asked to get rid of two. We had to rip them up. Then we partnered up and our chosen partner could then get rid of two more of our papers. We could negotiate with them. Then Fate stepped in. Fate, aka as my awesome Psychology Professor, came by and looked at the remaining 6 little papers and chose two and ripped them up. She went to every desk in the room and ripped them up and 95% of the time she announced what she ripped up. It was funny and traumatic. The anticipation of what she would take was almost more than I could take ;p I was in the 3rd row. Maybe the 19th student. I think we have 50 people in the class. I was like, no..no..no! Afterwards we had 4 pieces of paper left. We were now in our 50’s or 60’s (age wise) and we could add one more thing on one more strip of paper, but it couldn’t be anything we lost. What was lost was lost. So now we have 5 things. Then she said get rid of 3 things. So now we have two. Then we went around the room and said what we had and as each person spoke up about their two things she asked if that was enough. Would these two things be enough for you? A vast majority of the class said yes. I was happy with mine. There were maybe 4 people who weren’t happy at all. And a good amount who were okay. They could live with it.

The point was, that in life there is loss, but we can choose to focus on the past and grieve over what is lost and past, or we could be happy with what we have now. In this moment. This present. She wanted to show us the difference between victims and survivors. The lecture for the night was about stress and coping skills and self realization. We were looking at Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs I asked about the relationship between poverty and those who we might agree were self-actualized beings. For ex. Mother Theresa, Ghandi.
It was a good class. It’s a great way to end the school week. Thursday nights are good times. My teacher is funny and engaging and makes things understandable. This Thursday is our 2nd test so it will be study time for me for the next few days.


My 10 things were (in no particular order):

Beach House
Create a Family
Oscars-Self (writing, directing, producing) and provide work so others might earn Oscars
Master of Energy
Constant Inner Peace
Reconciliation with family (I have a few family members that or having a tough time interacting with me and accepting me for who I am now)
College degree
Be an artist/creative person
Philanthropy-have lots of money and give it away

The first ones I got rid of were the college degree and the reconciliation with family members. I did it pretty fast. The 2nd one, my classmate/new friend Val got rid of Philanthropy and Master of Energy. That was easiest for me. No trauma. When my Professor was walking around, I was super anxious/scared. She took away Be an artist/creative person and Travel 😦

The one I added: Physical fitness. Train and run a marathon.
Then the 3 I got rid of was Physical Fitness, Create a Family, and Beach House.

I was left with Constant Inner Peace
and Oscars. And that would be more than enough. I would think I lived a great life and would be satisfied. I mean I’d have constant inner peace 😀
The Oscars are more about living my dream. I’ve wanted to make movies since I was about 16. And the Oscars represent one of the top honors in my chosen field and it is awarded by my peers. It’s a big deal to me. Plus, how awesome would it be to be partially responsible for many actors and other artist/technicians(crew) being recognized for their work. My work provides work for others and entertainment for the masses. That would be so cool. So yeh. That’s the plan. The exercise helped me tremendously to know where I’m at and what I most care about. I’m blogging about it because I’ve partially been embarrassed about wanting to be a filmmaker. Childhood stuff. How can I goof off and have fun when I could use my brains for more important world problems and so on. My mother’s voice in my head 😦 It’s something that I am dealing with and releasing. It’s false limitations and fearful stuff I want to leave behind.

To be honest, being creative makes me happy. I feel relaxed. Being on a film set is the time that I feel the most like me. I’m interacting with so many types of people who have so many different skills and we’re making something that will live on long after we aren’t around. It’s pretty awesome.


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