I think/feel maybe a guy will be my mate. And I hope to have many lovers. Some short term/some longer term.
I like guys. Guy smell, guy humor, guy body parts, guy sensitivity.
This morning I came to the realization that the issues I have around my sexuality is the split I feel about women and men and femininity and masculinity. It’s a split that maybe I felt/feel? within but I feel that I love myself too regardless of the internal challenges.
I love my shifting gender identity and expression. My multi gender/no gender self.
I like all energies. I like all
I am primarily sexually attracted to men. This is, as of now, and undeniable F-A-C-T. My fantasies are 90% male based. It’s really hard for me to think of women that way. It always has been. Yet, it’s always super easy to fall in love with a woman. I am emotionally/idealistically/romantically attracted to women.
I want to be in love with the person I am sharing my body with in an intimate/sexual way and I want them to be in love with me too. I am a good lover. I give good…attention. I want an emotionally, physically, spiritually committed soul transforming union with another and non-monogamy be totally okay.
I really miss memorizing and loving someone else’s body. Knowing their body by he(art). Making someone feel good, cry, cry out, shake, come hard and pass out. I really miss having someone enter me, lovingly. Possessively. Until…I say no more, no more. I miss always having to wash the sheets and neighbors complaining. I miss walking around sore and/or dripping with anticipation. I miss sharing that rush of blood with someone. There’s so many things I’d like to try. I dream
about ancient times. The times of the Priestess. The time where sex was an art and natural and used for health and to attain higher levels of energy consciousness. I don’t like going without. I am beyond horny. I don’t even like the word horny. Blah. I am beyond frustrated. I am backed up. I am over channeling it into creative pursuits or intellectual studies. I want it live and direct NOW.
Good physical loving like a good meal, a good book, a good conversation, a good night’s sleep. Just, you know, a part of a natural good life.