I Want Your Love

Happy Valentine’s Day!

I hope everyone gets the love they want/need today!

I am listening to my awesome Glee Playlist. I have about 14 hours worth of Glee covers. They make me happy. Bad Romance was just playing. I don’t like what the song says but I like the song. And I like the song because I liked the performance the Glee Cast did on the episode featuring Lady Gaga’s songs/fashion. That was my first introduction to her music. This sucks. I find myself really liking the music and dancing around and can’t really stand the sentiment behind the lyrics. I get a little anxiety. If I’m digging this song, even for only 4 minutes, every so often, will I attract a bad romance? Will someone give me their revenge?…I don’t want to be friends? Blah. Me: But I do. I do want to be friends. *deep sigh of relief* Okay the song changed. Good.

Playing Now: Just The Way You Are. This song make me smile. I love the message.

You’re amazing just the way you are!

My Aunt and Uncle just sent me my last Christmas Gift. Dr. Dre. Beats Headphones. They have really really good sound. I don’t like that they need batteries. I’ve never heard of headphones that need batteries. Two triple A. I am wondering how fast will they run out. Well, I guess I’ll find out.

I am really digging being a music major. I have a test tomorrow in my Intro To Music class. Part of my studying tonight was to listen to 17 minutes of orchestra music so I can identify the different instruments. My class isn’t until 635 tomorrow night so I’ll listen to it a few more times. The test should be pretty darn simple. It’s multiple choice and we have maybe 10 questions that involve listening. For those who consistently do bad on these parts he’ll adjust their grade at the end of the semester. He’s colorblind and he feels that some people may have something similar like that with their hearing and he doesn’t want to hold it against them. I think that’s nice.

In my Basic Musicianship we are studying meter and rhythm. I felt really..I don’t know..concerned about it last week. I just wasn’t getting it. I am understanding it better. We are doing simple meter now. Next week or the week after we’ll be doing Compound Meter. I flipped through the rest of the book and I seriously feel like everything else will be easier for me. Nothing looks too out there or completely unfamiliar.

My Alto Sax. I am still making weird inconsistent sounds but I am learning the notes on the instrument, the keys/keyholes to press down. My piano practice is going okay. I’ve been working on Carol of The Bells for a week or so and just started The Entertainer. I am still messing around with my scales and arpeggios and my major/minor/diminished/augmented triad chords. I feel like I know it in my head but my fingers are sort of clumsy. They stumble and hesitate. But I can also see the improvement. Muscles hold memory. The less I think when I’m playing, the better.

I really like the room I’m renting right now. It’s comfortable. I am doing a bit of yoga everyday. I slept a lot this weekend. I guess my body needed it. But tonight I’m back to my old ways. Looks like it’ll be a 2am bed time. That’s my average bedtime during the week. This is why my classes are after noon and in the evening.

I’ve been thinking about love lately. Relationships. My desire for a family. All of that seems to be on the back burner. I think because I am so engaged with learning and so happy that I get to focus on music. I don’t have to feel guilty about practicing or feel like I should be doing something more productive. And after practice, I feel a sense of accomplishment. Almost as fulfilling as finishing a picture. I don’t know if I said, but I started teaching myself how to draw last. Whether I am coloring in something or free drawing or trying to copy something, no matter what, I feel an immense sense of..I don’t know, goodness, pride, accomplishment. I don’t feel this way about writing. I feel like the writing is never done. I haven’t been writing. I haven’t really been journaling. Not one poem written in the past couple of weeks. Maybe because of school starting and then looking for a new place to live I haven’t had the desire/inclination to sit down and write. And with the not writing, I’ve also noticed that I am not thinking about being with someone as much. I feel like I could be okay without raising a family as long as I can travel around and visit the kids in my family and the kids of my friends and volunteer with kids. I think I have lots of love in my heart for the children of the world but I don’t know if raising one or two or three would be the best thing for me. It’s hard to really think of it now for some reason. It’s sort of like being full and someone asking you what you want to eat later. What I’m trying to say is that I’m not so busy that I can’t think or sleep. I am engaged in my life and happy with what I’m doing with my days. I’d want to add an hour of writing more than an hour with a gf/bf right now or anyone else. And well..that’s cool. Because now, right now, right this moment, is all there is.


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