If You Take A Risk

If you take a risk and it pays off, you’ll be happy. If you take a risk and it doesn’t, you’ll be wiser.

This has been a good weekend so far. I am currently listening to my Lucy Kaplansky radio station on Pandora. This Is Home is playing. I am feeling mellow and relaxed. Earlier today I was feeling really exhausted. The sun has set and my whole everything feels better. Another reminder that I am soooo a night person.

On Friday, I did a few things that I’ve never done before. I rode a Greyhound bus and I met someone in person that I met on the internet. The Greyhound bus trip was okay. The station is tiny. It’s right across the street from a main trolley stop. I’ve stopped at that trolley stop so many times and had no idea Greyhound was that close. There was a bag search and for some reason that surprised me. I’m glad that I didn’t have anything potentially embarrassing in my bag. Not like on the way back to San Diego, where I had my packer just thrown in my bag 🙂 Luckily, on the return trip there was no bag search. I just wasn’t thinking. Sometimes I wear it and sometimes I don’t and I didn’t want to wear it yesterday. I remembered too late that it was just chilling in my bag and felt relieved when I was just allowed to get on the bus. ha ha.

So I met a cool person. And for now I’ll talk about my feelings and not so much about them. I was surprised by the feelings that came up for me. I felt tenderness and a sensitivity that I don’t normally feel. A heart openness. And maybe that’s because my day to day life is happy. School is going well and my living environment is good. I think part of the surprise for me comes from the fact that I haven’t been feeling a need for anyone at all. I’ve been so engaged with my life that I didn’t have the mental or emotional space or inclination to to think about anyone really in a romantic wishful type of way. I was a bit concerned because it is rare that I feel that “not a thing” way and I started feeling uncomfortable and cut off and detached. With the woman I was seeing last fall I felt capable and sober. I met a side of me that I really liked. I felt solid. The gift is that I have this feeling with me at all times now. Different people bring out different energies.

The meeting up: I got off the bus and waited like two minutes and then they were there. The reason why they were in California at all, was for a job interview. A very awesome career opportunity. We drove back to the place where they were staying. I was supposed to be the navigator. There’s some sort of app on the iphone that I suck at using. The week before I had a not so good experience with the same app. I got me and my friend lost. So, this time we didn’t get lost, we just took a wrong turn getting back to the place. The place was really nice. It was like a mini apartment. I think it was Extended Stay Residence Inn. We had a full kitchen. There was a flat screen tv. A couch. A nice size big bed. I think it was a Queen. The lighting was weird. Which is to say that the light switches weren’t in the places you would think they would be. For instance a switch by the door turns on a switch in the kitchen. A switch in the almost hall turns on the light where the sinks are. The light switch where the sinks are turn on the lights in the bathroom. We ended up ordering food in. It was a little after 8pm and I was really hungry. I got fettucinie alfredo with shrimp, a mini apple crisp, and a Dr. Pepper. They got a spinach artichoke dip and a mini strawberry cheesecake. The pasta was just okay. The mini apple crisp was really good. I wish I had gotten the bigger one. They took a shower, then I took a shower. When I got out of the shower the bed was turned out. This was a nice surprise for me because it meant that I wasn’t sleeping on the couch! There was no awkward conversation about sleeping arrangements. I then suggested we watch Dr. Who. We had talked about it previously. We ended up watching one of my favorite episodes Silence In The Library. Then bed. They were tired. I was less tired. It was only 11. I usually go to be around 1 or 2am. We decided to watch the next episode in the morning. I was a perfect gentleman. I asked if cuddling was okay. Greenlight. Go. It was super hot. Actual physical temperature hot. The heat was on and apparently when they woke in the night to turn it down it was actually turned up! I wasn’t too tired so I stayed up, thinking. I like the way I felt next to them. At some point I fell asleep but thought I was awake because I was chatting with them in my dream. Like we were having a full on conversation! that of course I didn’t remember in the morning.

In the morning we tried to watch Forest of the Dead but the internet wasn’t working. We listened to our Glee playlist. I joked around a lot. I wanted to hear her laugh. That was nice. At some point I thought we should at least turn on the TV just to say that we did and when I did, the funeral for Whitney Houston was on. Only for like 30 seconds. I got a bit upset and they gave me a hug. We went to breakfast. But before we went to breakfast we decided we were going to go to San Dimas Canyon. We were going to go the beach but it was an hour a way and if we hit traffic going or coming back it would suck. We wouldn’t actually have a lot of time to spend there either.

So..San Dimas Canyon. It was beautiful. We drove around, took pictures, went for a hike. Talked. About a lot of things. Just getting to know each other. I wasn’t sure if we were going to have any physical contact besides hugging and cuddling so I brought that up. At some point the night before or that morning I thought it would be nice if they were my first kiss in a long while. We talked about making out. But it had been a long time for both of us. When we were sitting on the bench in the middle of the hike and just talking about things. I would’ve liked to kiss. We were in beautiful surroundings and all that but I didn’t want to make a move out of nowhere and I am glad I asked what they were thinking instead of just going for it. I actually can’t imagine myself just going for it. It was decided that it would change things. We were in friend mode and things could’ve gotten complicated. I was already feeling emotional and bummed that we didn’t have more time to hang out. I was promised a kiss before we parted later that day. That made me feel better. After the hike we drove back to the room and were trying to figure out a place to eat lunch. I had decided to change my bus ticket home and stay until they had to return the rental car and head to the airport. We eventually found a mexican restaurant to eat at and the food was good. We talked about the future. Career plans, educations plans. I feel like I did a lot of talking actually, and then we went to drop me at the Greyhound station. The next bus was sold out so I had to wait a bit over two and half hours for the next bus. It was totally worth it to me because I wanted to spend as much time together as possible. I was already sad that we had so little time. We only had a little over 17 hours together in all. We walked back to the car and hugged. They put their arms on my shoulders and gave me a peck on the lips that I thought was sweet. The best part was the arms on my shoulders and around my neck. I was surprised by that. I really liked that. I’ve never had someone someone kiss me in that position. It was nice. After they drove off, I walked around a bit. Went to a store near by. Sat in a parking lot. Walked around a neighborhood. Layed around on the grass near the parking lot of the Greyhound Station, looked at a tree with leaves that looked like thery were dancing, all the while listening to the Harry Potter Goblet of Fire audio book on my ipod. The trip home was super fast. I asked them to text me when they got in. I checked my phone at 1014 after I got home and set my bags down and saw that they had texted me at 1012 saying they had just gotten home and wishing me sweet dreams 🙂

It was a good time. I am happy to have met them and for the mini adventure. This morning I got a cute text from my roommate saying “the curious people in the other room want to know how your trip went.” Then the kids also wanted to know how it was so we all gathered in the living room. It was good to have people to talk to who cared about what happened. And it was nice to have their insight and their shared stories of meeting people and dealing with first kisses and intimacy and long distance stuff. I had been concerned that the person I met wouldn’t like me as much in real life. I especially felt a little insecure because I felt like I liked them a lot more after we met. The good thing about it was that I was myself and I wasn’t stressed out. I felt comfortable and safe. I didn’t feel like I had to hide anything because they know a lot about me already from all the different social networks we belong too. The internet is cool in the sense that it brings people together who might have not ever met.

We’re cool because we actually met up and took that risk.

No matter what happens in future, I am happy that we met and had that time to see each other in person and talk in real time.

Here’s a few pics from San Dimas Canyon.


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