Right now my entire self worth is wrapped up in school. Like a broken record I’ve been telling myself it’s the one thing I’m good at. I don’t like hw but I like everything else about it. The environment of learning. Class discussions. My professors and fellow students. This emphasis on school and feeling like it’s the only thing I’m good at is reflective of how I am feeling about other aspects of my life. My ability to support myself, my relationship with my parents are taking a toll. My romantic life took a blow this week but I think everything will be okay. For some reason I’m very optimistic. Hopeless romantic maybe. Whatever. It’s nice to feel optimistic 🙂
My inner guidance is telling me I need to work with children. It’s been insistent in the last week or two. Like really insistent. I volunteer about an hour or an hour and half a week with the kids at the Child Development Center, but I feel my soul calling me to do more. I don’t know what exactly or where.
I’ve been having anxiety dreams lately. Where I’m injured or I haven’t finished things that are due. I feel pain in the dreams and am surprised when I wake up that I’m not really hurt. On a subconscious level I am hurting or hurting myself?
I feel like I need to take some time and re-evaluate my life and life goals. I like my day to day but I’d like to feel more secure in a material sense. There are things going in with my health that are directly money related. I have a strong will and luckily my personality is geared towards optimism and perseverance.
I’m grateful for the resources that San Diego County has for people who have no or low income. I am grateful for school and my peer group, with a special shot out to my guys and one girl in Jazz Band. I am glad for all the work I did today. I am grateful for all the love in my life, for the earth that I walk on and the air that I breathe. I am grateful for water, that quenches my thirst, cleanses and renews me, reminds me to flow and grow. I am grateful for all the lessons that I’ve learned in the last couple weeks. I am grateful for my friends, new and old. I am thankful for all the technology that I use everyday that really makes my life easier and more enjoyable.