The other day I looked through my blog posts and realized that I’ve barely updated in the past three months or so. I’ve been involved with relationships, rediscovering myself as a sexual being in relation with others, school, and not having a stable living situation. My confidence, self esteem and sense of identity have taken many hits. I didn’t know how to make sense of my life and/or I didn’t want to deal with or reflect on how I’d been living. Too many changes. Too much instability. I didn’t know how to process it. I didn’t know what to share or more accurately, what I’d feel comfortable sharing. And to be honest, I don’t think I wanted to remember this time. I didn’t want things written in black and white, solid and forever. I know that’s why I’ve barely even been journaling, though I still do my gratitude journal every day. I want these past few months to have been like a hazy dream. But I’ve learned a lot about life and myself. I am not the person I thought I was. I don’t feel sorry for myself and though I am still tough on myself I am lightening up and telling myself to treat me like I would treat my friend or any stranger really. I am working on being kinder with myself and less judgmental.
I realize now that I am stronger than I know and that I can deal with life in general and my life in particular and I am hopeful that I can make positive changes in my material life. Yes, I can 🙂
I am going to write about what I’ve been going through to get the story out of my system but I don’t think I’ll blog it, though I will start blogging more than I have as of late.
To New Beginnings!