I’ve been raging today. I understand the term blood boiling now. It’s frightening. My blood wasn’t boiling but I could feel it sludging through my body. I felt physical pain. I wanted to punch someone. Or a wall. Punch a hole through a wall is what I wanted to do. But I didn’t. I wrote about it and talked about it and let my body deal with it the best it could. Even hours later I can feel it’s remnants.
The last few days the atmosphere where I’ve been staying has been on and off and all around tense. Money, rent, food, gas, bills, stress. Everything is payed. Food is sort of scarce and we’ve talked about going to the food bank. There’s been lots of yelling going on and me internalizing the yelling and stress. I guess today I’d had enough enough. I’ve been out all day. Running errands. Picking up mail. Listening to the most recent group session from the 9th Dimensional Pleiadian Collective. I’ve settled down loads. Reconnected with a new friend I met this past Spring. Organized my email a bit. Fooled around on Tumblr.
I am going out of town tomorrow to spend the holiday with my Aunt and Uncle and cousins. I’m way looking forward to that. I’ll be in a supportive emotional environment. Hopefully I’ll be able to regain my emotional balance and think better and feel better.
But..as always I have things that I am grateful about:
I am grateful for community resource centers
MTS (bus and trolley system here in SD)
friends new and old
all my electronic gadgets
the fact that I’m alive at all to experience emotions even when they’re way amplified!
texted a friend
messaged a friend
left an emotionally hostile and verbally violent atmosphere
picked up my mail from the mail place for those without homes. They are only open 9a-3p and I’m like an hour away so I haven’t been down in a week. My Renewed Driver’s License was there! PAH! (finally!)
I wrote a blog post
I did my daily hour writing for the write-a-thon
I did my best to self soothe without turning to drugs or alcohol (yet)
I feel better. I feel like laughing. I’ve had a hard day but it’s almost done and the hard part is done. Sending myself a giant hug and love. Much
Love to all who are reading these words.