I’m not listening. Well, I am starting to listen to my inner voice again. I need to. I need all the help I can get 🙂

What is going on? My living situation is falling to shite (again). This record has played before before. Can we skip it?

Yesterday I got home from school and my new roommate told me she thought I needed to sign the lease. I’ve been here for 3 weeks. I tell her um, I guess, but I thought I was just renting the room for awhile. She shows me a letter she just got. A three day notice to pay or quit. The bill was from September 1st to October 31st. It stated that she payed $600 in September (presumably from the $1000 I gave her for a deposit and my rent for October) and owes $1302 in 3 days or she will be evicted, which means I will be addicted. I told her I would not sign the lease. I can’t be responsible for half the rent and I don’t want to negatively affect my credit. She told me not to worry, she’s gotten these notices before. It’s a formality. She’ll pay the rent on the 15th. She has an arrangement with them. She says it’s a legal thing and they have to give her the notice even though they know she will pay it. When she gets caught up on the rent, she wants me to sign a lease. I want to move!

Currently I don’t have money for a deposit for another place and I don’t think I’ll get my deposit back from her anytime soon. But if I did, even though I’m exactly mid-way through the semester, I’d move in a heartbeat.

I don’t know what to do. I want to just pretend that this is not happening. I imagine my fingers in my ears, singing “lalalalala”. I want to just go to sleep and just sleep and sleep for a long while.

School. I had to drop English. I was doing all the reading and none of the writing because I have so much music hw. Ear training has been kicking my butt. I’ve been retaking our 2nd sight singing test for 4 weeks. I finally raised my score to respectable on Monday. I got a 59 out of 60 for the total. Before I had a 40 out of 60, which was failing. My teacher gave me much praise. She said that she rarely has seen a student make so much progress in such a short time. She asked me how I did it. I told her she helped me and I had help from 3 other students and that I had been practicing every day for and hour or two during the previous 5 days leading up to the retest. She said I had will power and to keep up putting in the time. She designed the class so that those who put in the work to improve, could do so. She said this series of ear training classes will be the hardest I’ll take in my musical education. The 3rd sight seeing test is tomorrow and I am about 50% ready. I’ll get there. We can retake it for the next 4 weeks until the next test. She calculated our mid-semester grades. I have a C (passing!!) in ear training and a B in theory. So far, none of the extra credit is calculated in my theory class and I have earned 29 points in extra credit. If those were included right now, I’d have an A for sure. I have an A in my math class. My lowest test so far was a 92. I have oodles of extra credit in that class. Recently, I’ve made an important decision about school. I’ve decided to go to school 3/4 time here on out. Being a full time student is zapping the life out of me. I’m a bucket of stress.

The past couple of weeks have been really challenging. We had to put my gf’s cat down last Wednesday. She had stomach cancer.


I skipped school and went with my gf to the Humane Society. Her mom was too upset to go in with her. I’ve never had to put an animal down before and neither had my gf. She had Mew for 9 years, since she was 12 years old. She’s grieving. I feel sad for her.

My great Aunt Bert passed the same day. When my Aunt called me to tell me I was really scared that something had happened to my brother, dad, or mom. It was also the 2 year anniversary of my grandmother Gladys passing. The last bit of sad news: Last Monday, my cousin’s 6 year old daughter was badly burned in a fire. She was given good medical care and will be okay but she has third and fourth degree burns on her face, neck, back, and arms. It’s really sad and the family is adjusting. My cousin (her dad) is having nightmares. He and his friend put the fire out and have second degree burns as a result.

It’s been an emotionally few weeks but I am hanging in there. I actually don’t feel as stressed anymore. I’m sure it’s still there but I think I tipped the point of being overwhelmed with stress and now I am feeling a sense of neutrality.

I hope those who are reading are having a good day. If not, know that things will change.



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