I’ve Been Waitng

I’ve been waiting for a good time to write in my blog. I’ve been waiting for some peace and some time and I realized that if I kept waiting I’d never get to it so here I am. It’s Saturday night. I’m in my girlfriend’s room and a movie is on in the background. I’ve been stressed. So stressed. The weekend that I moved into my new place I was having little vertigo things. I would almost fall over. By Monday I could barely get out of bed. I felt like I was sinking into the floor. When I raise my head it felt like I was spinning out of control. My girlfriend took get care of me. She brought me food and she walked me to class that night. I was leaning on her and still almost fell over. Class was only an hour. I got home and went to sleep.

The next day I went to the Doctor’s office. At 9am my blood pressure (bp) was 161/110. I had taken my medication that morning. My pulse was faint. Two nurses took my bp and my pulse. It was decided that I had to take some pill and lay in the darkened room for 20 minutes. Within the minute I could feel my whole body deflate. It felt like all the air was going out of me. I was so relaxed. The next bp reading was 140/100. A doctor came in and talked with me and took a brief history and I think was a little put off by my Trans-status. He seemed uncomfortable when I gave him answers about my history. My previous doctor as awesome but she stopped working at the clinic I go to. She was sensitive and knowledgeable about Transpeople. Anyways, I was put on new medication and the bp reading they did before I went home ended up being 120/90. The medication that he gave me for the vertigo he told me not to take before class because it would make me drowsy. Great! He also wrote me a note that took me out of school for the rest of the week. For the next few days I slept for 12 hours on average. I could not stay awake. My eyes were always sleepy. But I got through the week. I must have needed the sleep.

Last week I went to school but didn’t do any homework. This week coming up I have a test on Monday, two homework assignments due, and an Exam on Wednesday, then Spring Break!!!

So that’s school and health. I read that a spiritual reason for vertigo is confusion, not knowing which direction to go. And that is how I’ve been feeling. I’m slowly figuring things out. I want to create more. Create more joy. Create more love. Create more art. And I am really tired of school. I love learning but I’m not digging homework anymore or going to class. After this semester I am one class away from an A.A. I don’t know yet what I’ll do after that. Hm..make art, make love, have fun.

p.s.
My awesome Aunt bought and sent to me a blood pressure monitor. My readings for the last 3 days have been 138/83, 110/78, and today 107/80. My gf said I need to watch that the top number doesn’t go below 100. I’ve started to slow down and work on relaxation and I am drinking more water because I heard that dehydration could attribute to high blood pressure.

Gratitude:
The movie The Perks of Being A Wildflower and all involved in it’s making
Roku
Crystal (my laptop)
my gf for letting me come over to study and write. I was feeling lonely at my place.
Music today: Jimi Hendrix, Amos Lee

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