On the train now heading back to San Diego. I have work today and plenty of homework to do all this week. 1st test in Biology coming up on Thursday. It’s 50 multiple choice questions covering 4 Chapters of material. This week I’m going to work on being less down about school. I’ve been so over doing homework. I have to remind myself that after this semester I’ll have a degree. I’m sure I’ll feel better about all this in May. Since I know this is true I’d like to feel better about it now.
This weekend I was at my Aunt and Uncle’s house. I decided Friday morning to go up to visit. So totally last minute. When I travel to their house the bus that takes me to the train leaves about 130pm. I am super glad/grateful they live close enough where I can just hop on the train for a quick weekend trip. I spent a good majority of the weekend doing homework, but when I arrived on Friday I watched the last two episodes of The Walking Dead with them. My Uncle had seen both already. I had planned to wait until all the rest of the episodes for this season aired, and then marathon it. But I can’t wait for this show because I am on the internet too much and I find that I get spoiled and that’s no bueno. So..that’s that. I’ll have to suck it up and watch it every week 🙂 I love the show and I love Talking Dead too. I think another reason why I wasn’t keen to watch it week to week is because it’s the first time I’m not watching it with my gf, who is now my ex-gf. So..there’s that.
This weekend I met the woman I’ve been talking with online for the last 2-3 months pretty steady. I told her in January that I’d message her when I came to visit my Aunt and Uncle. I sent her a text to let her know I was there and she invited me to dinner Saturday night, her treat. When she arrived to pick me up she said that she actually only lives about 10 minutes away. That’s cool. I thanked her for meeting up even after she’d been working all day. She worked a 10 hour shift! I also told her that when I used to work at Federal Express years ago my days were like 12 hours, but I would’ve totally still met up with her too. She smiled when I said that.
It went well. We went to Chili’s. I got southwestern eggrolls (my favorite), southwestern mac n cheese, a house salad with blue cheese dressing on the side, water with light ice and lemon on the side and a Hager (sp?) 24? I think that was the name of it. She and the waiter recommended it so that’s what I had. We hung out for a little less than 3 hours. We talked and talked and laughed and it was easy. We hugged when we met, like old friends. We hugged 3 times when we were saying goodbye because we kept saying goodbye and talking some more. ha ha. It was really good to see her in person. Like right in front of me, instead of just hearing her voice over the phone, or in voicemails, chatting on FB, texting, and so on. She’s a little bit taller than me. Funny. Smart. A good listener. Open. She likes me and that’s nice 🙂
When she dropped me off I thought, yeh we have potential to be something other than friends. Like something more romantic and sexual in addition to being friends. I could see that happening. But like a very slim chance. And that’s for many reasons. I’m sure on both our parts. i don’t think she’s ever been with a really good guy that she treated her well. I, on the other hand have been with people who I feel very loved by. I don’t consider any of my past relationships shitty or abusive or anything. None of my exes treated me badly so we are different in that respect. I think it makes her more cautious which is understandable.
This morning I feel different. I am 98% only interested in friendship at this point. Or rather, I am 98% sure I do not want to pursue anything beyond friendship. And luckily for me, I don’t have to. And who knows if she likes me like that or will in future. Who knows? I just know how I feel right now. And I got that whole Taurus thing going for me. I’m pretty set once I make a decision. I don’t want to preemptively cut something that may be good off but I also wholeheartedly believe that people show you who they are at the beginning. We don’t change much. She and I have different communication styles and I don’t feel they are compatible. I love the way she uses love language. When we are communicating I enjoy it. I don’t like her not finishing off conversations in texts, like not responding to a question in a text or not responding to a pm (private message) when we’ve been chatting. It’s frustrating to me. And I think,if I didn’t like her so much, it wouldn’t be as big a deal, but I just feel at this point, disheartened about it. Not crazy upset like I was two weeks ago but just like, no, not interested. It makes me not want to text or pm at all. From my perspective if she initiates it, it’s all good, (and I don’t know if that’s her need to control things) but if I initiate conversation, I feel like I’m left hanging. That it’s not a reciprocal thing and I start to feel insecure and confused and I don’t like those feelings. And rather or not that’s the reality of it, for me emotionally that’s the reality of it. So..that’s that.
Today, I have work. A 7-hour shift starting this afternoon and ending this evening. Hopefully it’ll be a chill, easy day. Oh..some more benefits of going up to visit my Aunt and Uncle is that I get to hang out with them and laugh and catch up, I was able to do 3 loads of laundry!! (yes, I’m the stereotypical college boy who brings piles of dirty clothes to be washed), and I was able to visit with my cousin and his gf for a little bit.
All and all, I had a good weekend. And I’m looking forward to the rest of the day and the rest of the week. Feeling optimistic. A little sleepy, truth be told, but content.
Happy Monday All!
She just texted me wishing me a safe trip with a smiley face.
Her text made me smile.
I texted back saying I hope she has a good day.
Her response: You too my love!
And now I’m all happy, grinning, happy. I’m so easily placated.
Why can’t my love language be gifts or practical deeds or something else? Why does it have to be words? Lawd a mussy, help me! ha ha