I keep telling myself to relax. My front and back shoulders muscles are tight. My throat feels like it’s closing up. I think my body needs more rest and maybe I should do so today because at least I have clean, quiet place to do so.
I’m at my Aunt and Uncle’s for the weekend. I got here Friday night and I am due to leave tomorrow morning. Tuesday night, Wednesday night and Thursday night, I stayed on a friend’s couch.
The follow up of the Epic Fight was that the next morning, Tuesday when I woke up I felt like I lost a friend. Which is to say I felt like I could no longer call her a friend because my friend’s don’t call me asshole a bunch of times or drama queen which I find disrespectful. What the name calling said to me was that my feelings didn’t matter. That she was angry is fine. I was angry too. But she crossed a line.
I felt like I couldn’t stay in a room with her anymore. The short of it is that I texted and made some calls and found a place to stay. I emailed my teacher to tell here I couldn’t make it to class. I made it to all my scheduled work shifts. I took a test the next day in the class I missed the day before. I postponed a test for my other class.
As far as my ex-gf, a lot got said. She said she couldn’t be friends with someone who thought she was inconsiderate and careless. As the week went on, even though I wasn’t sleeping there, some of my stuff is there and she agreed that if I payed her $20 a month I could keep it there until I found a place or other room. She’s angry and not talking to me. I don’t have the same anger. Her feelings are hurt. I feel matter a fact about it. We have a lot of mutual friends and I don’t know how it will be in future. I told her she is not my enemy. She is in a category of her own. Beyond that, I don’t know really how to behave or what to say to her but I can’t and will not ignore her, if I see her, I say hi. If everyone is hanging out in the livingroom I say bye. I can’t make her say anything to me, nor can I expect it.
I travel back to San Diego in the morning. I have school. Tuesday and Wednesday I have work. I have errands to run. I do not know where I will be sleeping tomorrow night. I do know that I will not be physically out on the street. If you are inclined send good thoughts my way.