Warning: This is the longest blog post that I’ve ever written. Drama involving my ex.
So, I went by my ex’s place today. Besides being her place, 3 of my friends live there. Anyways, I go upstairs to use the bathroom and she says, Hello. I knock on the partially opened door and she tells me to come in. When I saw her, I started shaking.
I’ve been really, really angry. Last week I discovered that she ate my ice cream bars that were in the freezer. I left notes for her to call or text and asked one of my friends who live there to tell her to call me and she hadn’t. Today is Tuesday and all she says is hello. So I am shaking and my breath starts getting ragged. It’s the first time in my life that I’ve felt bullish (My star sign is Taurus). I am so angry I can’t speak. I excuse myself and go to the bathroom. I come back and I’m standing in the doorway. For minutes. I think I eventually spoke first. I don’t know if it was some kind of powerplay. I just was trying to get myself under control. I can’t remember what I said. I think I said, the ice cream, why’d you eat it?
She said because it had been in the fridge for months. I said, no 6 weeks, since our friend’s party. She said no, months. I waved my hands in the air and shook my head and said regardless, you ate it. It wasn’t yours. You didn’t buy it. You knew it wasn’t yours and you ate it anyways. She said she got tired of seeing it in there every time she opened the freezer, she thought it had expired, she didn’t want to waste it. !!??!! She said all these things. I said ice cream last for a long while. She admitted that it didn’t expire, she checked but she had already opened it and she didn’t want to waste it. I said, you should have asked. I most likely would’ve said yes. I said, as long as you’ve known me you can count on one hand how many times I’ve said no to you and then I always caved. I said, you now this and you know me. I said all you have is excuses. You always have excuses. She said she just ate it last week and she was going to replace it and that it was only one bar and that she doesn’t know what happened to the rest. It was the last one. She said she was going to buy a box and just give me one because that’s all she had. Somewhere during this time she said, and it had almonds, you know I don’t like almonds. I said, I know!! I said, how come you ate it then? How come you didn’t just ask me to pick it up? She said because I’m not talking to you. I don’t want to talk to you. I was like, I wouldn’t be talking to you if you hadn’t done what you did!! You never take responsibility. You take. You take. Then I got teary and I said, I’ve never taken anything from you. I’ve never ever taken anything from you. Why didn’t you just ask one of the guys to ask me. She said because she didn’t want to deal with me. She just wanted it out of her freezer. I said it was a small box, in a closed bag on the side of the freezer. She said it pissed her off that it was one bar in the box and that it was taking up room. The freezer was 70% empty last week when I looked in it to get the ice cream and one of my frozen dinners to take to work for lunch. She’s so full of it. I have stuff in the fridge. At the end of the week before I leave for my Aunt and Uncle’s, I usually tell whoever is around that they could eat this or that. I’ve always been that way. I don’t like to waste food. Anyway..
So then I say to her, you get mad when people eat your stuff. I mentioned one of our friend’s name and she said, I get mad when people eat ALL of my stuff. She said, our friend ate the bucket of ice cream and she had only had one bowl. He ate all her cheese too. She said she didn’t eat all my ice cream bars, she didn’t know who did. She said she just had the last one. So, I say, it wasn’t yours. Aren’t you going to apologize? She said no she wasn’t going to apologize. She already said that she’d replace it.
–Now keep in mind, she’ll say she’ll do something but she doesn’t follow through. She broke one of my framed pictures that my friend gave me for Christmas last year and she said she’d replace it. That was like 11 months ago. There are other examples. I usually just let it go. This time though..I just felt really disrespected, frustrated, and angry.–
I brought up another example with her mom. I said your mom does the same thing. On numerous occasions her mom has eaten almost everything in the fridge and hadn’t bought any of it. I said remember when L. came down to make you a cake for your birthday (Red velvet) and your mom ate all the cream cheese in the fridge knowing full well that she didn’t buy it. (We could never figure out what she ate it with. It was there that night and in the morning it wasn’t) My ex said that was different, her mom ate all of it. I said, like mother like daughter. I said it to make her mad and it did make her mad, but it is also the truth.
Then I walked to the other side of the room. I was looking at the closet trying to figure out where to start. I came over to consolidate my things so I can move them out on Friday morning when my friend is supposed to help me get them to my storage unit. I hope he’ll be able to and won’t cancel. I hear her muttering, all this over ice cream. So then I look up inconsiderate on my phone to refresh my memory, because I had looked it up before but I was too upset and it totally was jumbled in my head. After reading the definition again, I said: thoughtlessly causing hurt or inconvenience to others. Without regard to the feelings or rights of others. She says, huh? So I say it again. And then I say, I know you’ll never look it up but that’s the definition of inconsiderate. She rolls her eyes and I walk towards her and say, unsympathetic, uncaring, unkind, ungracious, discourteous, selfish, self-centered, rude. Those are the synonyms of inconsiderate. (I had looked those up the other day) She said that my notes were rude and passive aggressive. I said, I wouldn’t have wrote the notes if you hadn’t eaten something that wasn’t yours. I said you are a thief. She scoffed and said really? I said you took something that didn’t belong to you, so yeh, that’s the definition of thief and I asked her what would she call it? Then I was like, all you had to do was ask (I said this a few times throughout) and she said again, I didn’t ask because I didn’t want to talk to you. I don’t want to talk to you right now.
So I walk away again and then say, you know I was talking to my Aunt and Toni (a mutual Professor friend of hours) and we think it may be because of the way you were raised. I said this to upset her because she doesn’t like being talked about. So then she totally loses it and tells me to get out. I say I have to get my stuff. She yells at me to get out her room! She says, I said you could keep your stuff in my house but I don’t want it in my room anymore. She said that she’d get the stuff and she said she wouldn’t throw it down the stairs. So I smiled at her. A genuine big smile. Totally inappropriate to the situation. ha ha. I hadn’t wanted to make a bunch of trips up and down the stairs. I had been feeling overwhelmed about going through her stuff to get to my stuff. Her room is a disaster. I told her there were a few things in the closet, a bag, my interview clothes, the big art bag, my important papers, a small box in the left hand corner, the little briefcase with my biological father’s pictures, birth and death certificate, military papers. (My biological father passed away 29 days before I was born. Her dad died when she was 2 or 3 months old. That was one of our bonds). Anyways, she told me to take my little cheeky smile and get out of her room. She brought most of the stuff down. I went back upstairs to help and told her I needed a few more things. The TV cord and remote and I told her where they were. I had recently taken them on Friday when she hadn’t got in contact after I wrote her the first two notes. They were in an open bag close to her dresser right at the top left of the bag. If she had contacted me and apologized, I would’ve told her where the cord and remote were and we could just get on with things. I think that really pissed her off. So then, I told her that I needed her to take her Wii off my TV by Friday because I didn’t want to accidentally damage it. Later she put my TV in the hall with my long black powerstrip. I would’ve forgotten it! When I saw it, I said, and get my other extension cord. The long one. I had let her use it because her outlets are hella far from her bed and she likes to talk on the phone with her best friend before she goes to sleep at night and the phone usually needs a charge. At some point I asked for my phone back again. She’s been using my old smartphone for about 8 months. She has a new phone now and was supposed to give my phone back a month ago. She said she still hasn’t gotten her pictures off. I said, ok I need it by Friday. Just leave it for me.
Before, when she was bringing all my stuff downstairs from her room, I called my Aunt and left a message about what she had said her reason was for eating the ice cream. I knew it would piss her off and it did. Then when she came down again I was leaving a vox for a good friend of mine about what happened. After all my stuff was downstairs, I hear her slam her door and throw something at the door and she’s just yelling that this is bullshit! This is such bullshit. She says it a few times and then I hear her get on the phone with her bestfriend. Basically for at least 30 minutes she’s yelling, rehashing what happened (mostly honest) and of course her friend is taking her side. They were on speaker phone. She’s talking really loud and says she doesn’t want to see me anymore. She starts talking about a professionally taken framed picture of us. That it took her a long time to rip it up because it hurt her to see everyday. She’s saying it to her friend loud enough for me to hear downstairs. Her friend said she just tell me to get my stuff out right now, that the ice cream was in her freezer and that I was tripping. My ex said in response that she wasn’t that kind of person and she couldn’t do that to anyone.
So the thing is, my stuff is not just there. After our friendship ending fight in September I told her I would give her $20 a month to keep my stuff. She would’ve never asked but I didn’t want it to feel like she was doing me a favor (even though she is) I didn’t want to feel indebted. So I payed her $20 for September 13th-October 13th. (I used to pay for her bus pass almost every month the first year or so of our relationship. The pass is $18 and she had just recently been let go from the temp job I got her at the bookstore where I work). I was going to ask her for an I.O.U for October, because I had been sick for 10 days and missed work and I needed the money to get my transcripts for my UCSD application this month but I don’t have her new number and she wouldn’t call or text me back and I haven’t seen her. Tonight when I went back to the house after school, I gave her $20 for October 13th-November 13th and told her my stuff would be out by the 13th. I said, Thank you, I appreciate it. She took the money, looked a little softened maybe but didn’t say anything. So..that’s that. I don’t know what I’ll do about my transcripts. I’ll figure it out.
So all of my stuff is downstairs now. It took me 2 1/2 hours to go through it, toss stuff, consolidate. I packed 4 small boxes, re-organized my luggage, folded my towels and clothes. I have my laundry basket, shoes, cleaning supplies, my detergent and softener that I had been letting her use, a bag of blankets and 2 pillows, my dress up interview clothes and a couple seaters, my skateboard, and my tripod. I feel I did a really good job. I’m happy to have it done. And happy there’s not much stuff. We can make it in one car trip I’m pretty sure. The first 30 minutes of the 2 1/2 hours I was downstairs just looking at my stuff. I was just shaking, listening to her yell. She kept saying it was bullshit, I can’t believe this is all over ice cream. I wanted to tell her it’s not about that, it’s about respect. She disrespected me. She didn’t apologize or acknowledge that she did something wrong. She said she was going to tell everyone in the house that after I get my stuff out that she doesn’t want to see me anymore, she doesn’t want me in the house. Then she said they pay rent so she can’t make them not be there but she would tell them to have me over when she wasn’t there. I was shaking so bad while I was listening to her because I was tired, feeling sad, and alone. I wasn’t angry anymore. I just felt small and alone and wished I had a friend with me. I was texting one of my friends who lives there though, who was home at the start of the confrontation but left because he had to go to work. I eventually settled myself down and got what I needed to get done.
After I consolidated and organized my stuff, I rode my bike to school. I had a test tonight. I thought I was going to fail because I as in a fragile state of mind but I ended up acing it 🙂
I asked one of my friends who lives at the house if I could leave my TV on his dresser. He asked me later if he could use it as a second monitor to replace a monitor that he doesn’t like very much. He edits AMVs. I said sure. I would rather not have it in storage anyways. And I trust him to take care of it. So that’s a relief. It benefits us both.
I felt really exhausted in class and really for the past 8 hours I’ve felt really really tired. I am grateful though. I’m almost done with dealing with her. My things will only be at her place for a few more days. And if I’m lucky I won’t see her any time soon. Oh..my Uncle said something really funny tonight, he said she was being passive aggressive about the ice cream. He pointed out that she didn’t seem to mind waking up and seeing the TV right across from her every morning, playing her Wii games on it and using it to watch things. The TV takes up a lot more room than a little box of ice cream! 😉
I want to leave this on a positive note because something good did happen today. After I took my test, I went by the bookstore (my job) and one of my co-workers had a surprise for me. He bought me a sweatshirt with our college name and logo on it that I had put on hold at the beginning of the semester. I hadn’t been able to afford it yet. It’s Blue with silver writing and the inside of the hoodie part is gold. I love it!!! I’m so happy to have it 🙂 Such a great gift/surprise!
p.s. I apologize about all the changes in tenses.