He Had A Bad Day

So, the guy from the other day who was suicidal and posting on FB is okay. He did not go to the hospital, according to his boyfriend, my friend. And now they are more in love than ever. Good for them.

As for me, I’ve been keeping to myself. Organizing files on my computer. Going through old pictures. I haven’t messaged the guy I like in two days. And yes, I’m counting for now. I figure he knows how to get in touch and if he wanted to/wants to he will. And if he doesn’t, life as it is known to do, goes on.

 

Update: Last Week

I keep telling myself to relax. My front and back shoulders muscles are tight. My throat feels like it’s closing up. I think my body needs more rest and maybe I should do so today because at least I have clean, quiet place to do so.

I’m at my Aunt and Uncle’s for the weekend. I got here Friday night and I am due to leave tomorrow morning. Tuesday night, Wednesday night and Thursday night, I stayed on a friend’s couch.

The follow up of the Epic Fight was that the next morning, Tuesday when I woke up I felt like I lost a friend. Which is to say I felt like I could no longer call her a friend because my friend’s don’t call me asshole a bunch of times or drama queen which I find disrespectful. What the name calling said to me was that my feelings didn’t matter. That she was angry is fine. I was angry too. But she crossed a line.

I felt like I couldn’t stay in a room with her anymore. The short of it is that I texted and made some calls and found a place to stay. I emailed my teacher to tell here I couldn’t make it to class. I made it to all my scheduled work shifts. I took a test the next day in the class I missed the day before. I postponed a test for my other class.

As far as my ex-gf, a lot got said. She said she couldn’t be friends with someone who thought she was inconsiderate and careless. As the week went on, even though I wasn’t sleeping there, some of my stuff is there and she agreed that if I payed her $20 a month I could keep it there until I found a place or other room. She’s angry and not talking to me. I don’t have the same anger. Her feelings are hurt. I feel matter a fact about it. We have a lot of mutual friends and I don’t know how it will be in future. I told her she is not my enemy. She is in a category of her own. Beyond that, I don’t know really how to behave or what to say to her but I can’t and will not ignore her, if I see her, I say hi. If everyone is hanging out in the livingroom I say bye. I can’t make her say anything to me, nor can I expect it.

I travel back to San Diego in the morning. I have school. Tuesday and Wednesday I have work. I have errands to run. I do not know where I will be sleeping tomorrow night. I do know that I will not be physically out on the street. If you are inclined send good thoughts my way.

Gratitude for 6/18

Grateful:
for school and learning about art from a historical perspective
for lively discussions with the class and my Professor calling me out specifically to talk about symbolism
for making new connections
for my co-workers
for surviving the work day. (two aggressive bull-headed heated attitudy men bookended my shift today) “Why must you raise your voice and yell so much last customer. Why say racist things?”
Grateful that I caught the big spider in my room. I took it through the yard, out the gate, and across the street to set free.
Thankful for friends reaching out to see how I’m doing
Thankful for donations from friends, family, and people I don’t know. Anonymous donors rule.
Thankful for quiet now. Just me and the crickets 🙂
Grateful for my Pooh bear and my comfy Japanese futon.
Thankful for FB

One of my oldest friends has decided to share my page every day. I am grateful for her and 23 years of friendship.