Life: Relevant Content

Although, today I deleted my GoFundMe page, the content of the page is still applicable. I’ll make another blog post soon to sort of do a recap of the last couple of weeks. Know that I am okay. I hope all my readers are well also.

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About me: Hi All. My name is Evan. I recently graduated with Honors from my local community college. I earned an Associate of Arts degree in Liberal Studies with an emphasis in Child Development. Graduating from college is one of the accomplishments that I am most proud of. I am asking for help at this time so that I am able to continue pursuing my educational goals.

I have enrolled in the last 2 classes I need to earn my American Sign Language Studies degree. My tuition is payed for through a grant for low income students. My books and supplies for fall term have now been covered, thanks to the generousity of those who’ve donated recently.

I plan to apply to Universities this fall. I’ve been invited to join Phi Thetta Kappa Honors Society, which is an International Honors Society for community college students. There is a one-time membership fee of $85. I’ll be eligible for many scholarships after I join. Donations will go towards paying for the membership and copies of school transcripts I will need when I apply for universities and scholarships. My current GPA is a 3.80 with 89 units completed. Truthfully, I love learning and I think down the road I’d like to be a Professor.

Overcoming obstacles/hardships: I am the first person in my immediate family to graduate from college. It’s been a long road. Currently I am homeless. I have floor space at one of my friend’s places and a couch to sleep on at another friend’s place on a temporary basis.

Work: I am currently working customer service at a bookstore. I love my job and my co-workers. I am not eligible for any financial aid at this time from my school because I have a degree now. My plan is to seek additional employment. In fall, I have an opportunity to work in a daycare. I’ll need an infant/child/adult CPR certification. Donations will go towards obtaining this certification.

Volunteer/Community Service: I live by the principle of “pay it forward”. Besides school and work, I volunteer in my community. I’ve spoken on panels at UCLA, UCSD, San Diego State, and San Diego Mesa College, talking about lgbt issues with an emphasis on Transgender issues. I volunteer with a local community group that provides resources and support for LGBT families. The families consist of LGBT- headed households raising children, and non-LGBT-headed households raising LGBT children. I usually do arts and crafts with kids ages 5-13.

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Low-income health programs have enabled me to get some of the medical care I need. The Calfresh program helps me purchase food. With the help of the Disability Support Program and Services, great Professors, counselors, and classmates, my time in school these past few years have been good overall. If not for the love, support, encouragement, and well wishes from friends and family I wouldn’t have made it this far.

Thank you for your time reading all this!

If you can, please donate and/or share this blog.

I Am Not My Mood

Mood
I’ve been struggling the last couple of weeks. Mentally and emotionally. I feel on the verge of a breakdown which is not a good space to be in. I am overwhelmed with school and work and the reality of not having enough to cover my rent. I still owe for June and my rent is due again in July and I don’t feel like there’s anything I can do. My concentration has been off. My moods have been all over the place. Not sleeping. Not digesting properly the food that I am eating which has made me not eat. Cycles blah. I keep telling myself that “You are not your mood. This will pass.” And it does pass. Like being in the ocean and wave after wave is rolling over me. I feel another storm in the distance. I feel tired and afraid and then there will be a respite. Things get clear. I can think a bit. Feel even.

School
This morning I dropped one of my summer classes. It was a hard decision but the right decision for me. I get my registration date for fall tomorrow and I’m just going to move forward. Fall semester starts, Aug 18th.

Family and Loneliness
One of the things that is adding to my mental discomfort is that I am too alone. It feels unnatural. I have not seen my family in about 5 weeks. My Aunt and Uncle have been doing short weekend trips this summer. I can’t go to their house because my cousin is a bully and controlling and doesn’t want me around because his son is there for the summer. Which is major bs because I’ve spent the past two summers and winter breaks there with his kid, doing art with him, cooking with him, tucking him in at night, trying to teach him independence and not to run my Aunt and Uncle all over the place, behaving like a spoiled prince. While my cousin was out of town working and in town dating a bunch but never really there. Now he’s there because he lost his job and I’ve lost, I feel I’ve lost the ability to be with my family who I love who loves me. The good news is that my Aunt messaged me and said she and my Uncle will visit me this month. Probably the last weekend in July. And we have a family trip to Sacramento for a weekend in early August. So there is that to look forward to.

Work
I am thinking of going in an hour earlier today since I didn’t have class. We start interviewing people next week. My ex-girlfrind/now friend along with another persons who lives on the same property as I do, have interviews on Monday. They both texted me yesterday, all excited. I am 99% sure they’ll get the jobs. I know my ex needs the job but I feel a little..I don’t know, slightly apprehensive about seeing them at work. In my work space. They won’t be working with me directly so much but I’ll interact with them because of scheduling stuff, their availability, changes in shifts, when they put books on hold for customers, need assistance up front. I work in the back of the store in the Customer Service section and we take care of all the customers that the floor people, textbook people, and cashiers, aren’t able to help. We process scholarships, gift cards, all refunds, all book buybacks, veteran benefits, rehabilitation benefits, access cards, and so on. We currently have about 5 or 6 people in CS and we need at least 2 more people for flex, in case of illness or if someone gets other work, or their school schedule and work availability clash or any number of scenarios. And those people need to be trained. That takes time. Overall, for fall we’ll hire about 60 people. We are interviewing and then setting up orientation, getting their paperwork complete and processed, and then training. We are going to stagger all this and that’s why we’re starting with the first bout of interviews next week. 5 more weeks and the bookstore is going to be filled with customers, students, Professors, and a bunch of new employees. Which is good. It’ll be a challenge but it will be good.

∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞
So right now, work and my social interaction at work are keeping me going. My Renaissance to Modern Art History class is going well. I skipped class yesterday because I felt too tired and depressed. Dropping the other Art History class was the right choice because I feel more relaxed and like things are more manageable now. Tomorrow morning, the Renaissance class has a museum visit. One of the members of my group picked me up a packet yesterday with all the info I’ll need for tomorrow’s visit. Looking forward to it!

I’m feeling a bit better having written this all out.

Wishing everyone a good day. Happy 1st day of July 2014!

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Food/School/Graduation/Birthday

The truth is, I have about 3 dollars right now. That’s it. That’s all. Right now I have -4.62 in my checking account because my phone insurance that I canceled still charged me for this month. The good thing is that I just got off the phone with them and they’ll reverse the charges. Hopefully today or tomorrow so I won’t be charged overdraft fees. This morning I have an interview to get Cal Fresh. Here in California Cal Fresh is Food Stamps.

Currently, I have oatmeal in the cupboard, a can of beans, a can of tomato soup, 6 things of Chicken Flavored Top Ramen, a box of macaroni, two cans of tuna. In the fridge I have salad dressing, eggs, and an 8 0z of low fat milk, and butter. One of the benefits of getting my tooth pulled last week is that I’ve eaten very little!

I had taken out a $3000 loan at the beginning of the semester for survival purposes. I live well below the poverty line. Like so low it’s not necessary that I file for taxes. My part-time job at the bookstore pays my bills. The loan payed my other living expenses, rent, toiletries, food, and so on. The bookstore is slowing up for the summer. Maybe 10 hours a week are available. Maybe less. I have a job opportunity working on the grounds of the school, taking out trash and recycling, cleaning bathrooms. Basically like a janitor. It doesn’t start to July though. I also have a tentative opportunity to work at a day care but this doesn’t start until the end of June. They both require me to get background checks. And to get the daycare job I need to be CPR certified. So yeh, I need money to do both.

But right now..this moment I have food to eat and a roof over my head.

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I had my Bio lab final last night. I did okay. I think I got a B on it. It was all short answer! Why??!! It’s been awhile since I took a test I had to write all the answers to. Oh, there were two multiple choice questions. I got those right 🙂

Tomorrow is my Bio final. I feel about 70% prepared for that. I have 30 more pages to read and then I start an intense review. 50 questions are based on the last 4 chapters we’ve covered in class. The sections are Natural Selection, Population growth and flux, The Animal Kingdom, Invertebrates and Vertebrates. For some reason Vertebrates are giving me a hard time. I’d of thought that one would be easier. I think my brain is just tired.

My tooth socket is still healing. I had to take medication on Monday afternoon because it was hurting. This morning it feels okay. I seem to be fighting a cold. I can’t wait to sleep properly. Hopefully I’ll sleep for the majority of Friday. That would be nice!

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My Graduation/Birthday was fun. I ended up shaving and cutting my hair that morning. When my Aunt, Uncle, cousin, and friend picked me up I wasn’t feeling that well. I honestly think the antibiotics were making me feel not so good. Anyways, I started feeling a bit better once we got to the Pavillion where they were holding graduation. The energy of the people around me helped quite a bit! There were about 478 graduates present and over 1500 people earned degrees this semester out of my Community College (not every one chose to walk). All the names of the people present were read, this begin at about 5pm. Before that we had about 6 speakers. Most of the speakers were interesting.

One of the speakers called out people, like she asked the oldest graduate to stand and everyone clapped, there were siblings who were graduating at the same time, she called them to stand, all our graduating veterans, she called all the people who were first to graduate in their family to stand. I didn’t stand. I am the 5th person to graduate on my mom’s side of the family and the 4th person on my dad’s side. In my immediate family I am the 1st. A highlight/surprise of the day was that an abbreviated description of my college journey at Mesa was talked about and it was announced that it was also my 36th birthday 🙂 and I was asked to stand. I was totally shocked. Everyone was clapping. Because I wasn’t expecting it I stood up real quick, felt embarrassed and set down real quick. It was like 2 seconds. ha ha. Up and then down. But I’ll never forget it!

When I went up to get my diploma, the reader said my name wrong. She stumbled over my middle name, which I had written out phonetically too, like I was told, and she totally mispronounced my first name, Evan. Which is a simple name to me. She said Even (like a long E). It’s a short e (eh-vin) So that was like, not so good. But I thought whatever. I know my name. I got to walk across that stage and shake the President of our Community Colleges, hand. There was only one speaker I didn’t care for much but overall the ceremony was good. It ran a bit long, 30 minutes after the intended time.

When it was over, I met up with my family. Another Aunt and Uncle came, with 2 of my cousins. They are all grown up and beautiful young women. The 24 years old graduated a couple of years ago from a UC school and the 20 year old graduates next month from Culinary Arts school. I was able to meet up with another friend of mine who came. She had her two little kids with her. I took 3 classes with her over the years at Mesa and I’m glad she could make it. One of my other friends I wasn’t able to meet up with. We didn’t make proper plans and it was a madhouse. Also, my Uncle had made dinner reservations for 7p. He had made them back in March so we had to boogie.

The place we ate at was nice but I couldn’t really eat because of my extraction. I had like a couple bites of my food, tiny pieces of cut up bread. A few sips of my soup. I brought my food home. I had ordered shrimp and scallop fettuccine alfredo as my main dish. I ended up eating it for lunch and dinner on Sunday night and breakfast on Monday morning. So good. My Aunt was so funny and wouldn’t let me take off my graduation gear. She finally conceded to letting me take off my cap. ha ha. I loved how happy and excited she was. At some point the waitress was told it was my birthday. She bought over a piece of cheesecake and sang to me. I had a a few bites and everyone ate from it except my cousin who doesn’t like cheesecake.

I had a great day. Didn’t want it to end really. Didn’t want to come home to my empty place. I ended up talking with one of the people who lives in the second house on the property (I live in a shed type room in the back of the 2nd house). Anyways, we talked for like an hour and then I went to my room and settled in for the night.

Gifts: My Aunt and Uncle payed my cell phone bill which was very overdue. My other Aunt gave me a gift card for Cheesecake Factory. My friend gave me two stuffed animals, a little elephant I named Preston and a little zebra I named Zolo. A co-worker bought me a drawing pad. I received a few cards. I had many FB messages wishing me congratulations and happy birthday. Many people are proud of me and I am proud of me too.

All in all, it’s a day I hope to always remember.

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Gratitude:
Food
Battlestar Galactica-during study breaks
Harry Potter (Deathly Hallows)-during study breaks
My job